time out

the holidays are ususally quiet, but it is especially so for the TFAAF blog as we are all off to pastures anew. so happy holidays to our faithful 3-5 readers. we'll be back in january for a triptastic new year. [cue jazz hands].

The boxes you don't tick

Van Ramblings and I made a TO DO list in preparation for leaving London - actually a TO DO schedule with time slots for each task. This included essential tasks like mail redirection, cut gas and energy bills, change address, buy, sell, and for me...herbal highs.

I bought these legal highs a few months ago. But could never find an accomplice (you know Ramblings is high off Fleetwood Mac). Last weekend's time slot came and went.

So when a Bizarro Gnome asked me what I regret not doing in London, it's these. And now I find out they're easier to get online than an Amazon book. So close, so far away. Oh well, at least life is still about to get all triptastic.

just plain coco loco

hi. it's december. it's called winter. today was 2C/35F degrees in london. why are you 8 nutters eating lunch outside on the sidewalk?! 

Touch Kiki

Always a blast. Kiki, horses, Kiki, horses....

admirable or coco loco? (holiday greetings edition)

the above (i assume holiday) card was left for my neighbor. it says patrick + girlfriend (sorry). 

hmmm...i don't know what to think about this one. i suppose it is admirable - the sender acknowledges patrick's significant other. but not so much that they remember her name. then there is the fact that the sender apologizes for this directly on the front of the envelope - that's a bit coco loco. 

i'm natalie imbruglia torn on this one, folks. 

self-important pizza

so, my pizza place has new boxes (pictured) which can now turn into a cardboard plate, on which you can eat your slice. on the box are printed things like: I am your ecologically friendly plate; Lift me off; Recycle me. but, my favorite one by far is this cracker: I am really neat. egotistical pizza. yum. 

ah, technology

two fish and a flame and a friend recently took a roadtrip. all across the motorway were signs for high-tech speed cameras (yet, we couldn't actually see any of them). anyhow, it's pretty funny that the sign for said high-tech speed camera (left) is that of about the oldest image of a camera you could find (right). who approved this?

ladies, this is not for you

ladies, step away from the tissues. you cannot handle these. they are MANSIZE tissues, for MANFLU and MANCOLDS only. 

make mine a double

came across this service today - a spin on the charitable 'meals on wheels' - that would be 'drinks on wheels: after hours alcohol delivery'. this appears to be a dude with a bike who you ring up, request a bev and then wait for him to bike over. i can't tell if this is genius or crap.

Got nothin'

So I am reading this book about account planning. You know thinking about the future and stuff. The book comes to the section about what characteristics make a good planner and aside from the basics strategic stuff they stress that being a bit weird and having bizarre hobbies/interests is very important. It got me thinking. I am not sure that I am interesting enough to be a planner. My weirdness extends to an unnatural obsession with star trek and my most bizarre hobby is yoga. I mean not really the stuff skeleton closets are made of.

So in short, got nothin. I suddenly realised I need plan to become more interesting. I need to get me some weird but cool and interesting mojo. Ideas? Now look out the window....Ideas? Now scratch your head....Ideas?

No seriously. Ideas? Thumb-wrestling champion of Australia? Lecturer at a top Australian University where I specialised in interpretive dance?

an imaginary conversation at sunrise

hall: gee, oates, now that it's the 80s what are we going to do about our smooth 70s sound? all the kids are digging electro-pop these days. 

oates: i don't know, hall. maybe we spice it up a bit - i've been working on a song called 'maneater'. more importantly, hall - what about our look? do you think is should shave my 'stache?

welcome to wasteland

i was reading an article in the paper the other day about how scotland is undertaking a new tourist campaign to be seen at the airports when you arrive. the fee for the project was apparently £125,000 ($250,000) for which they included a new slogan. ready for it...drumroll please...the new slogan is: welcome to scotland. sounds like money well spent!

coffee & camus

now that i am a lady of leisure, i have been spending a lot of time at coffee shops. at crunchy granola one in my hood, they like to put up a sign everyday that is a bit like an off-line facebook status. it says: today we're feeling..., followed by, well, how they are feeling.

 

today we are feeling existential despair. love it. or do i? maybe i'm indifferent. maybe i feel nothing. 

Festive Coffee

This morning I was a bit hung over, so I went for it. I lost my gingerbread latte virginity. When she asked if I wanted whipped cream, I knew I was being naughty. My toes wiggled.

But the problem with these so-themed festive coffees is that a hint of gingerbread makes you crave the real thing. Now I want the cookie. Screw the coffee.

So instead of enjoying an exceptional latte, in my mind I'm now trying to chug down a piss-poor excuse for a cookie.

That's why you got to stick to the chai when you're feeling festive. You can't eat a chai. The chai latte is infact the ultimate experience of chai. It doesn't get any more tangible. You can't want more.

The lesson: don't drink what you can dunk.

phones as the new boombox

while we are on the subject of public displays, can we talk about how mobile phones with music features have now become the new boombox? who said it's ok to listen to your music on the bus sans headphones (giant or otherwise). 

funny example - on a recent train journey a dude was playing music over his headphones. the exchange with his neighbor was priceless: 'can you turn that shit off? who likes phil collins. IN FACT, NOBODY DOES' needless to say, she won the battle and spared us of 2.5 hours of Sussudio.

Public displays of headphone affection

I am totally obsessed with people who wear massive headphones in public. I just want to walk up to them and go "you look totally ridiculous...what the hell were you thinking.....does sound quality really get better the bigger your headphones are?" Total muppets.

One time at band camp.....this guy in front of me on a flight recently had a pair of what can only be described as gigantic princess leia ear muffs ...no seriously they needed their own postcode.... but I was mesmorised. I just couldn't believe that (a) people go to the trouble of hauling those things around; and (b) that he was ok to not move his head sideways for 8 hours in order to wear these bloody things.

Why? I just don't get it.

See Dear Douchebag for follow up discussion on the redunc practice of wearing massive headphones in public. P.s. anything named 'Douchebag' has got to be funny and they don't disappoint.

http://deardouchebag.blogspot.com/2006/08/dear-people-who-wear-huge-headphones.html

scarily bad (food edition)

what the hell are these? 

i'm not eating any food that describes itself as 'foul' on the label!

another purveyor of the obvious

so, while waiting for my burger (bur-ga in australian) the other night i had a read of the label of the above mustard bottle. after the ingredients it said: allergy advice - contains mustard. 

now, i know that food allergies are serious and i don't mean to knock them. but...if you are allergic to mustard, word of advice, DON'T EAT MUSTARD - it says it right on the front.

 

scarily bad (fashion edition)

who approved these? i don't know what is scarier: 

the fact that these shoes are patent leather grey mice (complete with pink ears and whiskers) 

OR 

the fact that the price tag is 230 euros! 

ridonks. 

fun shop

love the name of this store in paris - milady. except that they've clearly left out a vital apostrophe - it should be mi'lady, if you ask me. make it old english - as in 'good morn to you, mi'lady. how art thou?'. that'll be sure to attract a couture crowd.

rock the 'Mc'

speaking of Nasty McBitch (see van ramblings below), i love made up 'Mc' names. one of the best i've heard was Snoozy McDozer, in response to a colleague falling asleep at work in a meeting. and of course, Chesty McBreasts, who had (her?) own mail slot in the work post room. not quite sure who that was being delivered to, but it amused me nonetheless! 

overheard (nightclub edition)

here is a convo i overheard in the ladies at my leaving do (going away bash):

drunk girl 1: do you think i should puke?

advice from drunk girl 2: i think only if you are convinced that it is the right thing to do.  

 

kinda gross, i know, but it's really the response that gets me. i think that is an appropriate answer for another question. like, 'should i quit my job?' or 'should i vote for so and so?', not the question asked!

TED's are running the world.....

While I am on the subject of people in the profession of 'service' I would like to introduce the concept of Ted's. Ted's are people who in their jobs have been given a small amount of responsibility and have decided that this is how they are going to realise their life long dream of being a force to be reckoned with.

Generally these people have been given the responsibility of managing a queue and their name is usually Ted. (Hence the name Ted's).

So Bouncers obviously but pretty much anyone working at the airport fits this description. Particularly those fools in charge of ensuring that everyone has a freakin plastic bag. Or the guy in charge of badly managing the queues to check in. (This is where Pandora and I found the Ted of all Ted's). Definitely anyone who has a clipboard. You just know they are going to be a total Ted.

I am sure they are plenty more Ted's out there I just need to keep my eye out.

Things shop assistants shouldn't say....

Top on that list is talking about how ugly their merchandise is in front of customers. Or to be more specific saying how ugly a particular stack of notebooks were just as you decide to pick one up and purchase it. Clearly they don't know great stationery when they see it.

a fish on the loose (or is that lose?)

end of an era? i don't know.

but what i can says is this, the final post from my desk: and...scene