special manicure?

i have always been a nail biter - i know it's a bad habit, but it's one of the few bad habits that i have. so, i'm always super self-conscious and defensive when i get a manicure.

tonight, as per usual, i was treated to a few (underhanded?) comments in addition to my polish:

> "are you a student? you know students gets stressed with their exams." (um, no.)

> "oh, you're not? you look so young. no make-up." (is that a compliment or not?)

> "this looks like minor surgery" (ugh.)

> "you have small nails. like my baby's nails." (really? i have baby hands?)

sigh.

overheard

"You know, when eat I'm, like, a savage, you know? With, like, rotisserie chicken, you know?"

no, actually. i don't know.

overheard

"wow, that is a big ass fish. lots of omega in that."

overheard @ urban outfitter

store clerk #1: wow, i remember when urban used to have plastic bags.

store clerk #2: yeah, that was, like, back in the 90s.

sigh.

overheard

woman in gym clothes & sneakers, carrying a water bottle & her ipod:

"hey, can i bum a cigarette, man?"

overheard (part deux)

"yeah, the dalai lama just played radio city musical hall with the rockettes."

um...somehow i'm not quite sure he was performing with dancers, but what do i know?

mixed metaphors, but good advice

read this quote in an article about the letterman sitch:

"the cat's out of the bag. it's like someone walking into a cocktail party with a giant second head on their neck--you have to introduce the head."

and really, when you think about it, you DO have to introduce the second head. i mean, it's just plain rude if you don't, right?

quote of the day

"i don't know what happened, but your chicken nuggets turned into dinosaurs...and it appears you have an abundance of tyrannosaurus rex"

overheard (animal color edition)

her: "you really need to get a tie that matches my dress."

him (on other end of phone, presumably): "what color is it?"

her: "it's peacock"

no offense, but for some reason, i have a feeling he has no idea what color that actually is.

oh, shrek. oh, liza.

not that i really want to devote more blogspace to bret michaels, but i love his quote on the whole tonys incident: 

"All I remember is Shrek and the donkey helping me up, and Liza [Minnelli] giving me a towel."

  

in the meantime...

talk amongst yourselves. i'll give you a topic:

Rhode Island is neither a road, nor is it an island. 

discuss.

overheard (homophone edition)

"do you like mussels?"

"muscles?"

"mussels, the seafood - not like on boys."

overheard (airplane edition)

i cannot begin to relay the excitement with which this woman was conversing with whomever on the other end of her cell phone. 

hopefully my liberal use of exclamation points will give you some semblance of the absurd overjoy that was this side of the convo:

"OK...yeah, we are boarded now. oh, and you know what?! guess what Burger King has... guess! a salad! with grilled chicken!! and guess who's eating it right now...??!!!"

let my cameron go

i can't possibly begin to explain, but this is me right about now. sigh. 

he'll keep calling me, he'll calling me...

overheard (search edition)

"why don't you just google him and carol burnett? i'll do it. i love to google random things..."

do you believe in life after octuplets?

apparently even cher is weighing in on the octomom:

"I'm so negative against her. She just shouldn't have any of those children as far as I'm concerned...She acts like someone who is not of this world. It's like, 'hello come down to planet earth with the rest of us'."

really? really cher? 

is this an appropriate convo?

overheard at starbucks:

barista: how's it hangin' man? you saying warm?

patron: i'm freezing. 

barista: yeah, i'm freezing my balls off! 

there is no reasoning with a 2 year old

overheard at breakfast: 

"come on, lucy. have some pancake. you can't just eat butter." 

words of wisdom - from dolly

this was outside the country music hall of fame, which was pretty interesting. it's similar to the rock & roll hall of fame exhibit-wise. i just wish i was more into country music to appreciate it a bit more. 

Van Ramblings #58

as transcribed from a facebook chat:

"I have realised we have swings of bravery and swings of safety. [We are] constantly ebbing between the two. [The in-between,] I like to call that...no mans land."