table topic #6

not so many pet peeps last week, but thanks to TFAAF's favorite librarian for contributing. here's this week's table topic:

6. What have you learned this week?

well, turns out i learned that country music is growing on me! who knew? i am really loving brad paisley at the moment - especially a tune called "waitin' on a woman." and i just heard an uplifting song by tim mcgraw called, "live like you were dying" from the album of the same name. worth checking out on the old iTunes. 

summer of...

so much for my year of rest. bizarro gnome is tuckered out. 

instead, i'm going to try for 'the summer of iced tea' - that seems much more attainable these days. 

not quite the dewey decimal system

how's this for a classification? weird shit 

would that even have a dewey decimal assigned to it?

technically speaking, i think that everyone apart from 'audrey' could fit in the former category. 

ps - thanks to van ramblings who starred as the hand model in this photo.  

the first line

i already have the title, so how's this for the first opening line of my memoir:

in the movie version of my life, the scene in the taxi would have turned out differently. 

unfortch, this is pretty much true

welcome to brooklyn, now go home

...and take your wet laundry with you. 

yes and yes

the answer is yes on both accounts, dear facebook. how did you know? 

i love me a good 3-5 minute survey. but something (creepy dude?) tells me that this may just be a scam. 

oh, super-fan

dear super-fan,

so, fine. you wanted to stand up the entire show, when i so wanted to sit. i guess that means that i'm old now. 

but did you have to buy that really distracting 'i love the rangers' battery-powered, light-up mug and hold it up like a lighter? 

and did i really have to high-five you and 'give it up' because the band played your wedding song? 

just curious, 

bizarro gnome,

quote of the day (brooklyn edition)

'hey. sorry, i can't talk right now. i'm at a cheese eating contest in brooklyn.'

scarily bad (tattoo edition - part deux)

i don't have one myself, but i never minded a tattoo on other people. but this is a bit much. young elvis on the calf of a woman about 20 years old? now that's the commitment of a super-fan. love him tender, indeed.

spare parts

i find it amusing that BA's (thankfully non-clog) toilet paper has its own part number. part no: EB1046 to be exact. 

 

and yes, i know that i'm totally going to get busted for having my camera phone in the loo. again.

a bit of advice

so...if you are going to ask people on the streets of NYC for 'spare change' so that you 'can get something to eat', it's probably best that you aren't carrying coach & holding a scoop shopping bag. per whatevs, probably best to look the part.  

the possibilities are endless with Tater Mitts!

another fab invention - this time as seen on TV:  it's the Tater Mitt. apparently 8 second is all you need. plus, Tater Mitts 'remove only the thinnest layer of skin, so there is more potato for you and your family to enjoy.' 

(really? like how much potato can you really lose with a regular peeler? certainly not enough for a casserole.) 

my favorite e-card yet

this card is most excellent. very excited to be able to use our 'hall and oates' label again. my only concern is that seeing as i am usually the oates in this duo, it's better for me to be the one receiving this card. send away. 

good advice

i sure hope they have the same thoughtful warning in the new yankee stadium. 

how very true

somehow, i'm irate about the price of gas even though i don't have a car. yet, nyc rent seems totally reasonable to me...

scarily bad (out of home edition)

i get that you want to have a high-impact unit outside of a major airport. 

but, this terrifying execution of the enormous hand of a cadaver in the death grip of a slider phone has been creeping me out for years! 

why i feel old, part 11

last weekend, i caught a few minutes of saturday morning cartoons, which i haven't watched in years. i was completely disturbed by the fact that CBS's morning line-up is called 'Kewlopolis'. 

that's K-E-W-L.  i recognize that these kids today have no attention span & use IM and text shortcuts. but i find this wrong, wrong, wrong. i'll give you your OMG, but K-E-W-L isn't even saving you any letters!

if only this blanket had sleeves...

but wait, it does! 

why, it's the Slanket! 

a blanket + 13" wide sleeves = yards of warm fleecey fun!

table topic #5

time for a new table topic. this week, it's the pet edition:

5. Which pet is the favorite of any you've had?

well, we had a lot of pets growing up: 

- fred, the carnival gold fish that lived in a mayonnaise jar on top of the fridge and fed progresso italian bread crumbs 

- bun-buns, the house rabbit that loved doritos and trained to go in a litter box 

- ron & nancy, a pair of cats we had around the time of ronald reagan's second inauguration

- cookie,  goat that love chocolate donuts and who was once kidnapped and held for ransom by a rival farm

- and pretty boy, a cockatiel that had rosy red cheeks and to whom my father became completely devoted  

but, my favorite pet - by far - was my first cat: midnight rainbow girl. yes, that was her full name. mid, as she was affectionately called, had a bit of black on her face (midnight), a calico tail (rainbow) and she was, well, a girl. so to me, the name was completely logical. to my parents, she was a primarily white cat their crazy kid had named midnight. i guess i was already a creative thinker by age 6. 

no more back breaking lifts!

another flight, another fabulous edition of skymall. this is one of the best pix i've seen in the catalogue in awhile. 

it's the amazing forearm forklift straps! 

somehow, i have a feeling that this is either photoshopped, or the armoire is actually made of styrofoam...

recession? what recession?

the economy is alive & well in Las Vegas - as evidenced by the 27 varieties - yes, that's 27 varieties of biologically impossibly large candy apples on sale in the food court. 

 

pump it, pump it

yes, i suppose that it's for hygienic reasons, but i just can't help thinking that automatic soap dispensers (that i kept seeing all over the west coast) are testament to the fact that americans are lazy. is it really that much of an inconvenience to pump?

quote(s) of the day

i saw a story on the local Las Vegas news about a japanese salon in nyc that is offering a 'geisha facial,' which uses bird poop in its treatment. 

while that might seem bizarro enough, i really loved the comments/exchange of the newscasters on air after the clip ran (feel free to read it aloud using the voices of ron burgundy & veronica corningstone): 

anchorman: wow, you know you are spending too much money when you buy a POOP facial!

anchorwoman: oh my! can we say poop on the air?!

why i feel old, part 10

thankfully, i don't need to have a car. but, i can still be outraged by the price of gas these days. i've started to sound like both my mother & grandmother when i say, 'i remember when X was the price of Y'. case in point, i remember when i last had a car (10 years ago) and gas cost $1.35 a gallon. imagine my sticker shock filling up my rental. 

wish you were there

TFAAF had a fab reunion last weekend in Los Angeles - here's the view of the Santa Monica pier, where we were scammed by an outrageously expensive pitcher of 'sangria' and a 'free' postcard. good times, good times. 

we're gettin' the band back together!

exciting news, folks: this weekend, if all goes to plan, both fish and the flame will be back together again on the same continent / in the same country / and in the same city at the same time! we are Hollywood bound for a little reunion and hopefully a lot of bizarroness! cheers, bye!

mother knows best?

a colleague of mine shared one of her favorite sites - postcards from yo momma, which fabulously describes themselves as 'a repository of modern day maternal correspondence '. i had a bit of a PFYM convo with my mother tonight:

mom: your sister says to take your turn on scrabble on that myface thing [facebook]. i didn't know you had a blog. you didn't tell me. 

bizarro gnome: yeah, i've had one for nearly a year now. 

mom: well, i don't even know what one of those is. 

ps - mom, if you are reading this i love you. 

why i feel old, part 9

sometimes i don't pay attention to what i'm doing - a bit of a senile moment, if you will. tonight,  after my shower, instead of getting into my pajamas i started to get dressed for work - at 11:30pm.  

admirable, but coco loco (RIP edition)

talk about loving your work - according to the AP, the man who designed the Pringles can recently passed away. apparently, he was so proud of his accomplishment that his ashes will be buried in one. 

do you think i could fit into an excel spreadsheet or powerpoint deck? maybe my blackberry?

patriot games

even though i hate tom brady and think he's a massive tool, he was in one of my favorite episodes of family guy, which was re-running tonight. then again, this episode also feature a ridiculous long rendition of 'shipoopi' from the music man, as well as the griffins also moving to london - which may be the actual appeal of the show. brady is probably just a coincidence. 

table topic #4

time for another table topic! 

4. If you had an unlimited budget and one hour to shop where would you go and what would you buy?

right, so as an investment strategy i probably should go somewhere like tiffany or harry winston, buy an hour's worth of diamonds to resell at a later date for profit, but i don't think that's the intension of the question. 

so, where i would really love to go is  ABC Carpet & Home, where i'd buy a $15,000 antique chinese bed frame, $5,000 Louis XVI chairs (set of 4-6), and $1,000 linens. not to mention the dozens of $800 throw pillows...

good evening, folks. this is your captain speaking...

while i don't have a major preference amongst airlines, one thing i do love about American are the names of their pilots. they are always solid, all-american, manly & captainly names. a few flights ago i had Captain Chip McGovern. the other night, Captain Bubba Sanderson. you can't make these up! 

not exactly...

amusing convo overheard in line at the coffee shop. 

middle-aged woman 1: this panini looks good. 

middle-aged woman 2: mmmm. yes, it does. 

maw1: but, what is emmenthal? 

maw2: oh, that's whole soybeans. they're japanese. 

umm...not exactly ladies, that would be swiss cheese and edamame, respectively. but thank you for playing.