why i feel old, part 7

last week, i made reference to 'hands across america,' which much like several of my other recent references was met with a blank stare. this caused me to respond with 'bueller? bueller?' thankfully, that one registered. 

next up...

my aunt likes theme christmas gifts. there was the family recipe year. the music year. and the 're-invent yourself' year. 

i received that book from her in a year where i hadn't even invented myself yet. but, might need to bust this out again...

another worry c/o facebook

single? 

no babies?

no life? 

don't forget that muffin top...

thanks facebook! 

another rainy day & monday

today i was thinking that rainy, dreary days should be brightened by carrying a colorful, jazzy umbrella. 

in searching for a pic to illustrate this thought i came across this jazzy invention - the ufo cap umbrella - jazzy skymall gift in the making! 

hello my name is nerdberger

now, i in no way deny that i am a nerd. 

previous nicknames have included both 'captain physics' and 'nerdberger'. 

however, on the subway today i heard the most nerd-errific conversation. topics included:

the video game 'halo'

an upcoming beta version that will be 'awesome'

how we would escape the subway should we get stuck underwater

darth vader 

the star wars version of 'deal or no deal'

book clubs

UBS vs. RBS

the cost benefit ratio of having a car/pay for gas & having a metrocard/taking the subway

tax free transit money

bringing democracy to iraq 

all that in the course of only 15 mintues. nerd-tastic. 

all that's missing are the rabbit ears

'surely they're paying you enough to get a new tv?'

yes, but as embarassing as it might be i don't mind my little 13 inch tv/vcr combo. yes, it's tiny. yes, it was my sister's college dorm room tv. yes, it means that i can never have a superbowl party. it's not HD, but i just don't mind it. 

i always get lost in brooklyn

i think that might make a good title of a memoir one day. 

but, it's true. i like to think that i have a decent sense of direction, but for some reason i find brooklyn to be a maze. i get out of the subway and invariably walk in the wrong direction, turn around, and then walk in the wrong direction again. 

i also get the proximity to manhattan wrong every time. i'll think it's on my left only to catch a glimpse of the empire state building out of the corner of my eye on my right. 

maybe it's time to invest in an inter-borough map?

mad cow

i don't know what the hell this is, but it scared the crap out of me at the grocery store tonight! 

it's like some sort of far side cow cartoon come to life. at gristedes. bizarro. 

when berries & cream do not belong

while i'm a little lad(ette) that likes berries & cream the work toilet is no place for them! 

here is the new air freshener in the ladies. i'll give you a lavender meadow or a rainshower, but food scents in the loo are not acceptable.

happy (belated) earth day

in honor of earth day, here is an 'admirable, but coco loco' of what not to do: intend to re-use your cup at work but continually forget. get a new cup each day. end up with a collection of 6 paper cups and no desk space. 

today is...

sometimes, i talk to myself at work. 

sometimes i ask myself out loud, 'what day is it?' 

sometimes, my workmates answer me. 

if only i had this - my newest favorite skymall gift - the dayclock! not only a conversation piece, it's a great gift, so says the blurb. 

word of the day: pontifical

in honor of Pope Benedict XVI's visit to nyc, i'd like to add another word to a list of my favorite words: pontifical - of or pertaining to the Pope; papal. this will join the likes of 'shambolic' and 'foodstuff' as one of my faves.

well, at least there was a plan at some point?

quote of the day:

'we had a plan. but the secret service have stopped that plan. so now, there is no plan. but don't worry, nobody will know that there is no plan.'

oh, starbucks

i'm worried about starbucks. [warning: van ramblings style rant to follow...]

van ramblings and i have been huge fans for years now. but i've been a bit disappointed recently. partly, i suppose b/c it's so over-saturated in here in nyc, which i think is diluting the experience - much like a venti latte. 

case in point this pic - here are a few issues i have with these new cups featuring their 'pike place roast'. (which i also keep thinking is called 'pike's peak roast'. oops.)

- the barfy brown cups. totally off equity. where is the green? i realize it's supposed to be all retro with their original 1971 logo. but, i think that most of their current consumers weren't even born then. also, looks very downscale. if i'm paying a +878% mark-up on my drink, i want it to look premium, damn it and identifiably starbucks. 

- the sleeve. also barfy brown. also, apparently in order to be green, starbucks in no longer giving the sleeves freely. while i applaud this, it's a bit 'admirable, but coco loco'. the sleeve is an integral part of my starbucks experience. cheapens it with out it. 

- this bizarro swizzle stick/coffee stirrer/plug. what the hell is this thing? apparently it's used to plug the small hole in the top of your coffee. two issues with this. first, they say they want to be green by not giving paper sleeves...yet they have just manufactured plastic plug-holes. second, how much heat is really escaping from there? seriously. if their coffee is going to get that cold that quickly it that you need this plug, your coffee wasn't nearly hot enough to begin with. 

ok, there. done. sorry about that. off to get my ass-clown vanilla skim latte...

 

work toilet bizarroness, cont'd

van ramblings suggested that an entire book could be written about the bizarroness and management of work toilet situations. 

i didn't think there'd be enough material but in the past few weeks there's been even more oddities in the ladies beyond the poop roach. 

i've witnessed:

- a client so bent on multi-tasking she was taking a conference call while on the toilet (wrong!) 

- several peeps bringing full plates of food from a buffet lunch in to the ladies (so wrong!)

- someone brushing their teeth after lunch at the sink (fine), but then moving the task into the toilet stall (wrongness continued!)

touching the void

she's going to kill me for posting this, but it was too good not to. loved this status update from an un-named facebook friend!

only a half century to go

while i do like my 30s, i cannot wait until i'm in my 80s, have a blue or purple rinse, pick up bridge and can join the young@heart chorus. 

only 50 more years to go!

 

could be meat, could be fish

if your like most people, there's nothing you hate more than a boring hot dog. alas, there is good news - introducing the 'octodog'. why have a regular hot dog, when you can have one that is shaped like an octopus? isn't that what every hot dog lover is crying out for? let's just hope they are cooked first - those doggies in the demo photo aren't looking so hot. 

over-connected

i am one human being on a planet of 6 billion and i'm starting to feel a bit out of control on the communication front. 

right now, next to me on the couch are 2 laptops (well, 1 next to me and 1 on my lap as intended), 2 cellphones and 1 blackberry, which is part of this total list of connectedness: 

- 3 telephone numbers

- 4 cellphone handsets (2 waiting to be recycled)

- 1 blackberry

- 3 email addresses

- 1 active blog

- 2 laptops  

- 1 facebook profile 

- 3 snail mail addresses 

 

i'm considering getting a fax machine, but then i think that maybe my connectedness is getting a bit ridonks?

hello my name is...manny

this is manny. so named by my sister & i because, well, he's a man. 

manny is david-esque. same face & hair. same contrapposto stature (i'm sure my parents are glad my art history degree is paying off with the use of that term on the blog). except that manny is a bit more standoffish than david (crossed arms) and a bit more modest (wrapped in a sort of towel/loin cloth). 

apparently manny was a wedding gift to my parents. i guess that was an appropriate gift back in the 70s? 

growing up, manny was frequently barbie's date. we never had a ken doll. we had manny and another male figure - a wooden zulu statue. i think we called him steve. steve also dated barbie at one time. both were friends with shana from the holograms (of jem fame) and mrs. butterworth, who was also part of this bizarro clique.  

after the barbie years manny hung out in our living room, on the side table. i recently rescued manny from storage. he is now perched on the ledge that separates my kitchen & new breakfast nook, happily guarding my take out menus. 

tea for...how much?!

i like a nice cup of tea every now and again, so i contemplated getting a new kettle. 

check out the ridonks price tag on this one!

magnetic poetry, part quatre

remember

i was not born yesterday

always

live hard

look fresh

laugh deep

ask questions

voice joy

trust peace

never

desire poison

devour dark lies

decay away

growl

know

breathe

smile

dance to a beat

not squirm

if it's spring in new york...part deux...

it's time for inappropriate footwear... à la the clear jellies i saw on a businesswoman yesterday morning. 

if it's spring in new york...

...it's time for mr. softie! do-do-do-do do-do-do-do 

signs, signs

came across this pic recently - it was one of my favorite road signs that i came across in my travels. this one is from segovia, spain. and from what i can gather, it means kids from the 'hood playing soccer may be hit by a car, so watch out dad. or something like that. 

future endeavors?

much like my horoscope, i do love a good fortune cookie. here was mine tonight: 

You are a lover of words, someday you will write a book. 

oh, and in case you were wondering, my lucky numbers are: 8, 11, 24, 25, 34, 38

admirable, but coco loco (physical therapy edition)

haven't had an 'admirable, but coco loco' in ages, so here goes: 

i understand self-medicating - bit of a cold, no need to go to the doc, i'll just take some nyquil. 

but, self-physical therapy? admirable that you want to self-treat, but this contraption - called the Neckpro™ - looks like a recipe for disaster! i don't think traction is something safe to try at home...

proven: necessity is the mother of invention

today, i came up with what i think is a novel idea. i had a pencil, but no pad and needed to jot something down before i went back to my desk. but i did have my morning coffee i hand. 

you have note cards, notepads, notebooks...why not the note cup?

paper coffee cup and pen on hand, and voila! instant note taking capabilities. we even built on the idea using a ceramic coffee mug with a dry erase marker. 

i think we have ourselves a skymall gift in the making! 

quote of the day (music edition)

karen carpenter...hmm...was she in captain and tennille? 

um, no. karen carpenter was, in fact, in the carpenters. but i can see how they might be confused...man/woman pairing, smooth 70s tunes, and dashing album cover fashions.

step away from the venti

this morning, i got to work at 7.30am. uuuuuggggghhhhh. here is the conversation i had in my head enroute to work:

me: hmmm...i'm definitely going to need to stop at starbucks this morning. i'm going into work early, i deserve a treat. plus, i'm going to need the caffiene. maybe it'll even get a venti...

other me: a venti? are you out of your mind, woman?! we're talking a pint of milk here, not more espressso. don't even think about it. step away from the venti...

ps - per the oracle of starbucks, moving my order from a grande to a venti takes me from personality type 'fat' to personality type 'schmuck'. sigh.

heaven on earth (home edition)

as part of my nesting trend, i just bought a duvet cover from lands' end. and i discovered heaven on earth in the form of the 400 thread count. goodbye cotton/poly percale, hello luxury. i can't even image what a 600 count would feel like. shiver. 

ps - can someone explain to me when those cheeky duvet bastards eliminated the double/full size of both comforters & covers here in the US? i came back and now all you can get is a full/queen, which is the size of neither. note to manufacturers - if it fits a queen it's too damn big for a full. and i refuse to buy a new comforter just to accommodate your newly merged full/queen sizing. 

heaven on earth (food edition)

the week before last i tasted heaven on earth and it was cheese grits from tennessee. new yorkers don't do grits. but, i thought, 'when in rome [nashville]' and went for it. all i can say is yummmm... 

mission accomplished!

so, since i've moved back to nyc i've been trying to set up my apartment. easier said than done. i am desperate for a dresser - a laundry basket just isn't cutting it anymore. but, today i purchased a table & chairs, assembled them & created my very own breakfast nook. one more thing to check off the list!

Moments of Touche

My mum recently reminded me that "nothing beats touche". She picked me up from the airport and I realised that their was a tension in the air. She explained that she and my brother were having a moment of touche. Of course it was then that I realised that my mum was clearly winning this argument because 'nothing beats touche'.

the night of the lemonheads

last weekend, i went to see the lemonheads perform 'it's a shame about ray,' which gave me flashbacks of age 17 when a friend & i saw them in their heyday. 

we borrowed the family chevy station wagon and drove into the city from the 'burbs. it was a big deal as it was the first time the 'rents let me drive into the city at night and without them. 

that night i managed to:

- scrape up the entire passenger's side of the car against the parking garage wall

- have the muffler fall nearly off, shooting sparks as it dragged along the parkway

- have to pull off on the side of the parkway to tie the muffler back up 

and finally, making it back to my small town, wanting only to get back home i managed to:

  - get pulled over by the police and get a speeding ticket driving through main street 

ah, memories. 

why i feel old, part 6

overheard at work today: 'the new kids on the block? no, i was in 2nd grade when they were around.' meanwhile, i was too old to like them. 

why i feel old, part 5

today, i made a reference to Jackée (of 227 fame) that was met with a blank stare. it then occurred to me the person to whom i was speaking might not have been alive during the height of her popularity. 

Media Bullocks

Apparently I am the queen of media bullshit. While catching up with some old work friends one of them remarked how recently they came across a presentation I wrote and, well, died laughing at the utter shite I used to get away with.

I can't imagine that this was my crap. I am sure I ripped this off someone else. Enjoy......I did.

"Our lives now involve such a symphony of media experiences that they obscure our awareness of our relationships with each individual medium.

This symphony places greater importance on the context of the media environment where the complex network of structures, technologies and behaviours now characterises our modern living."

keepin' it cool at 80

you know i love me some skymall.

check out one of the newest products in their latest catalogue - the stealth secret sound amplifier. it's a hearing aid that looks like a bluetooth earpiece! 

i love the double benefit in the description too: Now you can enjoy the best of both worlds: a more youthful appearance and better hearing. 

that dude in the pic could definitely pass for 40 now. and i also like that he's trying to pick up a young blonde in this action shot. 

calling van ramblings

so, i've been channelling van ramblings lately in that i have become enamored by my new phone, much like she has in the past.  

keep in mind that my last phone cost all of $20, was pay as you go, and could not receive international phone calls. 

i was never much of a techy/early adopter, but my new phone is jazzy - if not flossy - and i am digging it. 

 

what would betty do?

so tomorrow at work we are having a team bake-off. well, not exactly team as this was billed as 'girls only'. 

my first thought was that this was incredibly sexist. topped off with the secret (and nearly) 'boys only' fantasy baseball league, i was not sure about where these gender roles were heading. 

but then i thought, get over yourself. channel your inner betty crocker and get baking. i am up for a good challenge. and with nana's infamous recipe for ginger cookies i think i'm a serious contender. 

bring it! 

don't worry...

this is on the sidewalk on my block. i see it every day as i come to/from my apartment. makes me smile every time.